There’s Nothing Sexy About A Zebra

The Zebra. Nature’s cold shower. Consider that a tiger-striped thong is fundamentally sexier than a zebra-striped thong, yet it’s basically the same pattern… not necessarily because the color orange is sexier than the color white, but because I assume tigers don’t shit on their own tails like stupid zebras.

Tigers also have a lethal set of razor sharp teeth that allow it to hunt and kill. Cool! Zebras have teeth for biting at the flies hitching a ride on their ass. Not cool.

Retractable tiger claws are badass! That’s why the Wolverine comic character is so successful. I doubt if he had retractable zebra hooves he’d be fighting much crime or drawing crowds to the cinema. He’d just be out galloping around like an idiot blocking traffic and tearing up the neighbor’s flowerbed. Nothing is less sexy than a hoof. It’s just a toenail growing out of it’s leg. 



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