Take The Stairs, Fatty!

You should see some of the lumpy, sour cream and onion stuffed rhino ass out here today in Union Square… overgrown, lumbering tourists cramming their gaping gullets with Nestlé and Nabisco. A blatant disregard for one’s self. Climbing one staircase a month could prevent your ass from looking like a freezer bag filled with Greek yogurt.

In this world there are only two categories of glutes that will cause me to turn my head. One is athletic, toned and healthy looking – it signals reproductive health or at the very least indicates that she can reach to wipe herself clean and therefor would be a suitable mating partner. The other is an ass that looks like it’s storing walnuts and potatoes for the winter – it signals a lifetime of poor choices, chronic laziness, and a likely obsession with American Idol or some other basic cable trash. You only live once so make a healthy choice – and for crying out loud, take the stairs!


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