Calm Down There, Cycling Guy.

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Cycling enthusiasts are the Dane Cook of the sports world. You don’t see wrestlers walking around town with their mouth guard in and ear protectors on, so why do you see these turkeys geared up like this if it’s not race day? It’s like if every time Paul Simon went grocery shopping he picked up parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme just so he could drop a hint to the cashier about who he was.

Before you bike to the corner store to get that loaf of bread, don’t forget to completely shave your arms and legs, tape your scrotum to your leg, strap on your aerodynamic custom fit helmet, fingerless gloves, SPF 50 spandex racing shirt, vacuum-sealed shorts, aerodynamic sunglasses, clickity-clack cycling shoes, galaxy-sized ego, and Nike heart rate monitor armband …just calm down there, Lance.

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One thought on “Calm Down There, Cycling Guy.

  1. MommaBee

    Thanks for visiting my blog. I am off to pick up my brand sponsored body condom, which is ironic because I am sponsored by Pro Life America…..

    Reply

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