Goddamned Flax Seeds!

Today I made a goddamned smoothie and decided to throw in some goddamned flax seeds for some added goddamned nutrition. But as I was preparing ingredients, the goddamned bag slipped from my grip and 16 oz. of flax seed proceeded to explode all over the goddamned kitchen floor. Seeds everywhere. Under the goddamned stove, under the goddamned fridge… I even found a flax seed in the goddamned broom closet!

By my calculations, that seed left the bag and travelled down the goddamned hall, over an oriental rug, and around 2 goddamned corners to arrive at the broom closet in the 7 seconds it took me to walk there to fetch the goddamned broom! That’s over 75 goddamned miles per hour!

flaxseed

I now see the health benefits of these goddamned seeds. Just today I burned 6,000 calories trying to sweep them up with a goddamned cracked dollar store dust pan… because running a vacuum over a pile of them only causes the tiny bastards to go flying 50 feet in every direction like a goddamned fertilizer spreader.

In a billion years when the Sun expands and engulfs the 4 goddamned inner planets, flax seeds will still be sprouting from the rubble of this goddamned apartment.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Goddamned Flax Seeds!

  1. unicornkat96

    WTH?! This is the 1st time I actually read something and actually mean, LOL. I’m sorry you had to clean that mess, you’re gonna find flax seeds for months in random spots. I did that with a bag of rice, and you sound like me when it happened. But I’m still quiet new to this blogging. I’m still learning how to express my sarcastic personality into my writing. In person, I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut. But apparently I offend some people with my sarcastic humor, if they’re so god damn stupid to understand it. Writing, you actually have to think what you’re gonna say before you say it, ha ha. But I really love your stuff, so I might stalk you, and I think stalking is a honor on this site?! 😉

    Reply
    1. ollie ox Post author

      🙂 Please do! I’d be honored. I think I’ve offended quite a few people on here already, so don’t ever be afraid to say what’s on your mind!

      Reply
      1. unicornkat96

        Oh my gosh, my social life sucks, I been so busy with school and avoiding my ex-BF, or anyone else that annoys me, which is everyone. I have a certain personality that I can only get along with certain people, or shall I say stand their presence in the same room. Unless I’m heavy intoxicated, I might be nicer. But when there’s a Kings game, anyone who isn’t a Kings fan is an enemy and I love to be rowdy. I can start a riot if I want to, but I’m on probation, ha ha jk.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s