Category Archives: Dating

Generation Gap

Harriet Tubman rescued more than 300 slaves using a network of antislavery activists and safe houses known as the Underground Railroad.


These two glued mustaches to their lip.


Cleopatra was the last active pharaoh of Ancient Egypt. She was a member of the Ptolemaic dynasty that ruled Egypt after Alexander the Great’s death during the Hellenistic period.

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Krysten totally loves spending time with her dog and enjoys ‘living life to the fullest’.


Hillary Clinton is a graduate of Yale Law School, is a former United States Secretary of State, U.S. Senator, and First Lady of the United States.


Beth glued a mustache to a #2 pencil and enjoys laughing and the outdoors.


Alexander the Great conquered most of the known world by the age of 30.


Mike used the ‘Kelvin’ filter on Instagram to make himself appear more tan and he also likes sports.


Leonardo Da Vinci was an Italian Renaissance painter, sculptor, architect, musician, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, geologist, cartographer, botanist, and writer. His genius, epitomized the Renaissance humanist ideal.


Todd lives with his grandma and her 3 cats.


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The Devil is in the Details

So many gorgeous Asian girls here in San Francisco. Sexy delicate nymphs that define elegance; so modest and proper, bedroom eyes, impossibly healthy hair, porcelain skin, and teeth like that pit thing from Return of The Jedi.

I’m not trying to be shallow or culturally insensitive here. I mean crooked is one thing, but crooked AND the color of fall foliage is another. I couldn’t care less if you have a clubbed foot, scoliosis, or a mole with another mole on it…whatevs… But healthy teeth are a must. Having a hot girlfriend with teeth like Stonehenge is like driving a Ferrari with a permanent pelican shit stains across windshield. The wipers do nothing but smear it in a half circle so now you’re forced to drive your sexy miracle machine looking under a permanent arc of dried pelican turd. Sometimes the Devil is in the details.

Short Temper

I’m convinced next years trend in women’s footwear will be a pair of circus clown stilts. How tall are these chick’s heels gonna get for Christ sakes!? That’s right ladies, no more puny 6 inchers or aircraft carrier-like platform heels, in 2013 just go all the way, go for the fucking stilts. In the name of fashion, women will have to duck to get through doorways, or take them off by leaning against a tree or strapping them to the roof like ski’s if they want to drive anywhere.

“Excuse me miss, would you like to check your coat and stilts?”

Being a short male in this society is basically the equivalent of having an Ambrose Everett Burnside mustache affixed to your lip; no girl is ever going to fuck you without money being exchanged. But the real jab in the eye is that you also have to compete with ever increasing heel sizes. So now if I want to talk to a girl I look like some retard jockey standing next to his decorated horse!

I’ll end up having to marry a 4’1″ elderly Cambodian woman by the name of Hua and we’ll always get into heated arguments because I can never pronounce her name correctly and she’ll storm out right in the middle of dinner, slamming the door to our little tiny thatch-woven hut a little too hard and while she’s out having ‘revenge sex’ with some tall guy from the village across the river, I’ll have to spend the next 3 hours foraging around the woods looking for one specific species of palm to repair the damaged door before sundown because little hungry vermin will no doubt enter the hole and steal the last of our rice rations like they did last time that little old cheating Cambodian bitch broke the door…. all because I’m fucking short, all because none of you women like short men!

And even you short women don’t like short men! Where do you tiny freaks get off with your squat, stubby billiard table legs thinking you can just scoff at me because you’re wearing massive heels!? Don’t I deserve the chance to have sex with you than never talk to you again like those other guys!? Never mind that I’ve got a Pringles can dangling between my legs… as long as you’ve got your 10-inch platform astronaut boots I guess I’ll be spending my Saturday nights browsing craigslist for Cambodians.