I’m convinced next years trend in women’s footwear will be a pair of circus clown stilts. How tall are these chick’s heels gonna get for Christ sakes!? That’s right ladies, no more puny 6 inchers or aircraft carrier-like platform heels, in 2013 just go all the way, go for the fucking stilts. In the name of fashion, women will have to duck to get through doorways, or take them off by leaning against a tree or strapping them to the roof like ski’s if they want to drive anywhere.
“Excuse me miss, would you like to check your coat and stilts?”
Being a short male in this society is basically the equivalent of having an Ambrose Everett Burnside mustache affixed to your lip; no girl is ever going to fuck you without money being exchanged. But the real jab in the eye is that you also have to compete with ever increasing heel sizes. So now if I want to talk to a girl I look like some retard jockey standing next to his decorated horse!
I’ll end up having to marry a 4’1″ elderly Cambodian woman by the name of Hua and we’ll always get into heated arguments because I can never pronounce her name correctly and she’ll storm out right in the middle of dinner, slamming the door to our little tiny thatch-woven hut a little too hard and while she’s out having ‘revenge sex’ with some tall guy from the village across the river, I’ll have to spend the next 3 hours foraging around the woods looking for one specific species of palm to repair the damaged door before sundown because little hungry vermin will no doubt enter the hole and steal the last of our rice rations like they did last time that little old cheating Cambodian bitch broke the door…. all because I’m fucking short, all because none of you women like short men!
And even you short women don’t like short men! Where do you tiny freaks get off with your squat, stubby billiard table legs thinking you can just scoff at me because you’re wearing massive heels!? Don’t I deserve the chance to have sex with you than never talk to you again like those other guys!? Never mind that I’ve got a Pringles can dangling between my legs… as long as you’ve got your 10-inch platform astronaut boots I guess I’ll be spending my Saturday nights browsing craigslist for Cambodians.