My lovely grayed and angry parents are in San Francisco visiting for the week so heavy drinking and masturbating are off the to-do list. Even though their hotel room is several blocks away, with my luck I’d get the urge to tug the a.m. wood at the exact moment they decide to “drop in” with coffee and bagels for a surprise breakfast.
I can see it now: hot coffee hitting the floor, followed by bagels, followed by my fainting mother. Dad working himself into a huge huff, somehow blaming the whole situation on Obama’s second term, all while I’m thrashing around trying to cover up the crime scene.
No thanks, I’d rather be horny than hated.